Today I'm awake at an hour of the day that has no right to exist. So naturally I'm grouchy, and I'm going to take it out on some anime that not only doesn't make my top 25, it doesn't take my top N, for any non-transfinite N. Let's go:

1. Reign (a.k.a. Alexander)

There was no question as to what show would take the honours here. I saw Reign at the Sydney Anime Film Festival last year, and oh, I wish I hadn't. I was stuck in the theatre waiting for the following screening - I no longer remember what that was - and so I sat through an eternity of Reign, an anime migraine that wouldn't go away. They screened two whole epsiodes at us, the bastards.

Reign is the story of Alexander, you know, the Great, only mangled beyond stupidity into some bizarre dream. I don't know, maybe the director had typhoid and was delirious throughout production. The artwork is astoundingly ugly; if you hate the look of Aeon Flux, you'll hate this even more.

If only that hell-horse had bitten off Alexander's head...

Recommended: You're not paying attention, are you?

Fanservice: Blurrrgh.

Available: Who cares? Hopefully not.

2. Advancer Tina

Produced for no good reason and at minimal expense, Advancer Tina is the worst anime I have ever paid money for. I don't know what I was thinking at the time. I no longer care. If I can help just one other soul avoid this appalling waste of paint, I'll be satisfied.

To keep it short, Advancer Tina is unmitigatedly awful. There's nothing nice to say for it. It's not "so bad it's good"; it passes right through that and back to bad again. The only fun to be had is watching to see them re-use animation sequences. Yes, there's Tina, running down the same corridor, being chased by the same tentacles.

Recommended: For those interested in working in anime, this makes a great counter-example. Don't do this, and you'll be fine.

Fanservice: No, not even that going for it.

Available: Sadly.

3. Neon Genesis Evangelion

I can hear the flamethrowers starting up already. Well, I don't care.

The first time I watched this, I made it through four episodes before losing any semblance of interest. Whine. Whine whine. Whine whine CLICK. I came back again - everyone says it's wonderful, perhaps, for once, I'm wrong - and got as far as episode two before my brain cried for mercy.

Please, someone put that wretch Shinji out of his misery. And his psychotic father, while you're at it.

Recommended: Beer can. Tooth picks. Ha. Ha. I give up.

Fanservice: Yeah, probably. If you're desperate enough, you can find boobies in the most unlikely places.

Available: Make it go away!

4. Now and Then, Here and There

I expect cries of anguish at this pick.

All I have to say is that unless you're a manic-depressive on the upswing, and need to come down in a hurry, avoid this one. Bleak hardly begins to describe it. There may be a good story there, but I'll never know.

Note: If taken accidentally, administer Catgirl Nuku Nuku immediately.

Recommended: If you need a hole in your head and can't afford it, this makes a good substitute.

Fanservice: Only if you're really weird.

Available: Yes. Why, I don't know

5. Clamp School Detectives

30 minutes have passed. Nothing's happened. Are you sure this tape isn't blank?

Recommended: Lively fare for zombies.

Fanservice: In a word, no.

Available: Was. May still be.

6. His and Her Circumstances

Uh-oh. Now I'm in trouble.

Look, I watched the first few episodes. Her, I quite like. Him, I'd quite like to see buried face down in the mud. So if you've seen the whole thing, and it turns out that he dies horribly early in the series, let me know and I'll give this one another try.

Recommended: If you want to form a we-hate-what-his-face club, go for it.

Fanservice: Not so's you'd notice.

Available: Yeppers.

I'm sure I've seen worse, particularly worse than Now and Then, Here and There, or His and Her Circumstances - which aren't necessarily bad as such, I just hate them. But right now my brain refuses to dredge up any such memories.

Good brain, have a cookie!

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 05:30 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
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