CAN I BE OF ASSISTANCE?
Friday, January 06
Two Cows
Sydney: You have two cows. Although you booked them into a private preschool before they were born, you nonetheless find yourself on a waiting list. Meanwhile you keep them on an acreage in Dural, where you form a co-op to share the un-pasteurised milk until the entire group is suddenly wiped out by botulism.
Melbourne: You have two cows. Since no-one drinks dairy products any more, you enroll them at Moonash University. One graduates and goes on to become head of the ABC's Drama Division. The other becomes front page news when it is killed by a tram.
Adelaide: You have two cows. Their milk is undrinkable, so you apply for a government subsidy and buy expensive imported milk like everyone else.
Byron Bay: You have two cows. Duuuuude.
Darwin: You have two cows. Neither of them gives any milk between September and May. No-one cares.
Perth: You have two cows. The minute they turn sixteen they drop out of school and move to Sydney.
Cairns: You have two cows. You trade one for three baby crocodiles and a one-legged kangaroo, and open a wildlife park. Contrary to expectations, it is a huge success.
Canberra: You have two cows. Together you start a business selling cow-oriented adult movies over the internet. You become rich, and decide to go into politics, where you find that the work is the same but the pay is worse.
(Two cows page via Chapomatic)
Posted by: Pixy Misa at
10:32 AM
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1
The fate of Brisbane's two cows can be found
here, under "Queensland Democracy".
Posted by: mitchell porter at Friday, January 06 2006 11:41 PM (mr6sB)
2
Existentialist Australia: You have two giraffes. You sell one and use the money for harmonica lessons.
Posted by: Wonderduck at Saturday, January 07 2006 01:44 AM (KnWO3)
3
Oops. I meant to type "surrealist", not "existentialist."
Posted by: Wonderduck at Saturday, January 07 2006 01:45 AM (KnWO3)
4
Singularitarian: You have two cows. You breed
miniature cows and sell the more efficient bovines to smaller farmers and as pets.
Posted by: TallDave at Thursday, January 12 2006 11:18 AM (As+Mr)
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Thursday, January 05
Pixy's Party Hints #1
Instead of inflating your balloons with helium, why not try xenon? Imagine the surprise on the kids' faces when their balloons fall to the ground like rocks! And enjoy the side effects - not only does it make your voice
deeper, it actually
renders you unconscious!
Posted by: Pixy Misa at
11:38 PM
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You have any idea how expensive Xenon is? It isn't at all easy to come by. According to
this site:
The rare gases Xenon (Xe), Krypton (Kr) and Neon (Ne) are sourced from the air we breathe. All three are obtained from air separation plants, such as those built and operated by Linde. Because of their very low natural concentration in air, it is only economically viable to recover these rare gases from very large air separation facilities (greater than 1,000 tons of oxygen per day). After nitrogen, oxygen and argon are pulled off of the distillation column, Ne is then recovered by splitting a crude neon stream from the plant and processing it in a separate purification system. For the Xe and Kr, a stream containing a mixture of crude xenon and krypton is finally extracted from the plant and processed in another separate purification and distillation system.
It
turns out that Xenon makes up .09 ppm of air. If the plant is producing a thousand metric tons of oxygen per day, it will produce less than 430 grams of xenon per day. Yikes!
Posted by: Steven Den Beste at Friday, January 06 2006 12:22 AM (CJBEv)
2
Questionable content??? ME?!?!?!
Posted by: Wonderduck at Friday, January 06 2006 01:52 AM (mAAjO)
3
Steven - Yep. I was reading up on it and I found the price of $10 per litre. Took me a while to figure out that meant one litre at STP. It's considered too expensive even to use as an anaesthetic.
This isn't "Pixy's
Practical Party Hints". I'll save those for another day.
Posted by: Pixy Misa at Friday, January 06 2006 03:56 AM (LUBRF)
4
That's so random. I love it.
Anyway, who says parties have to be practical? How practical is having a truckload of artifical snow in Texas, in the summer, for a kid's fourth birthday party?
Posted by: owlish at Friday, January 06 2006 09:42 AM (GDqxH)
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