Friday, January 06
Sydney: You have two cows. Although you booked them into a private preschool before they were born, you nonetheless find yourself on a waiting list. Meanwhile you keep them on an acreage in Dural, where you form a co-op to share the un-pasteurised milk until the entire group is suddenly wiped out by botulism.
Melbourne: You have two cows. Since no-one drinks dairy products any more, you enroll them at Moonash University. One graduates and goes on to become head of the ABC's Drama Division. The other becomes front page news when it is killed by a tram.
Adelaide: You have two cows. Their milk is undrinkable, so you apply for a government subsidy and buy expensive imported milk like everyone else.
Byron Bay: You have two cows. Duuuuude.
Darwin: You have two cows. Neither of them gives any milk between September and May. No-one cares.
Perth: You have two cows. The minute they turn sixteen they drop out of school and move to Sydney.
Cairns: You have two cows. You trade one for three baby crocodiles and a one-legged kangaroo, and open a wildlife park. Contrary to expectations, it is a huge success.
Canberra: You have two cows. Together you start a business selling cow-oriented adult movies over the internet. You become rich, and decide to go into politics, where you find that the work is the same but the pay is worse.
Thursday, January 05
Instead of inflating your balloons with helium, why not try xenon? Imagine the surprise on the kids' faces when their balloons fall to the ground like rocks! And enjoy the side effects - not only does it make your voice deeper, it actually renders you unconscious!
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