A cricket bat!
Twelve years, and four psychiatrists!
I kept biting them!
They said you weren't real.

Thursday, November 11


Darn Brain

"It can't have been me trying to kill you - I've never been to London. Besides", I added, "you're still alive."

That seemed to do the trick. I was told to report in as soon as possible.

I pushed the button, and rockets flared beneath the house... Beneath half the house. Bricks and mortar are fine under compression loads, but not so great under tension. We watched as the other half of the house broke away and started its fall back to Earth.

"Deploy parachutes!" A small parachute popped up from the falling half of the house, but did nothing to slow its descent.
"Deploy full parachutes!" No reaction.
"Deploy cushion!" Airbags inflated out from the basement, but I doubted they'd do much to soften the landing.


I wasn't the only one summoned to the meeting:

"So what do you do for a living?"
"Computer consultant. When times are good, I pick the fun projects. When times aren't so good, anything to do with computers.
"Lead and gold."
Her eyes widened.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?!"
"My power is to get some sort of idea of other people's powers. Probably why they brought me here. From you I'm picking up lead and gold."

By the way, whoever does the catering for those secret government gatherings of super-powered mutants should be shot. The food was terrible.

And I didn't even have the pizza.

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 10:01 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
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Tuesday, November 09


Someone Tell My Brain To Slow Down When I'm Asleep

Okay, so discovering a hidden fourth floor in my own house wasn't so surprising. And the fact that there was a girl - actually a university student - living there didn't worry me too much. No wonder things are never where I left them! No wonder I can't keep chocolate in the house!

I was a little ticked off that she was bringing her boyfriend home - but at least he called the police when the ninja broke in. Of course, it was me and the girl who actually captured the ninja. (Take that, Frank! Your ninjas aren't so tough!) But then when the police told him they were on their way and we might hear some shots, so don't worry, he didn't find it the least bit odd. Dumbass. So they shot the ninja first, and then the boyfriend.

We escaped out the top-floor window, swinging from a long extension lead. (So that's where that got to!) Unfortunately, we were facing a crooked police captain who had his entire precinct and a SWAT team hunting us. We managed to kick a couple in the head and steal their assault rifles (amazing what you can do while swinging from a fifteen-metre electrical cord!) but we were still terribly outnumbered even before the army of zombies and sorcerers arrived.

So thank God for our mysterious allies, who showed up just in time, with their zippy little armoured cars (all tinted bulletproof glass and swoopy curves, plus four-wheel-steering!) and their flamethrowers! You should have seen it! Burning zombies everywhere! The tables were turned, despite an army of ninjas joining the fight - until we discovered that when you kill a sorcerer, unless you cut out his eyes, you get an unstoppable zombie sorcerer!

And then I woke up. I've gotta stop eating pizza just before bedtime.

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 10:28 AM | Comments (9) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
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