Is this how time normally passes? Really slowly, in the right order?
Saturday, December 30
Valerian And The Movie Of A Thousand Hours
This is not a great film.
It's not a terrible film, though.
It's rather pretty. The script is dumb, but then The Fifth Element's script was extremely dumb and that was great.
The problems are the lead actor, who is dull as dishwater, and the utter lack of any sense of humour. Fifth Element excelled in both.
The action set-pieces are well done and the environments are great, but the moment it slows down you realise there is no there there.
If, like me, you are in the mood for something pretty and have a 99¢ Google Play movie rental handy, worth a shot, but otherwise entirely missable.
Also, nitpick, but - the City is seven hundred million miles from Earth? That's closer than Saturn. It's not much further away than Perth.
Update: Watched the last interminable forty minutes. The best part of the movie was Rihanna as the shape-changing alien dancer Bubble. She should have been the male lead. Seriously, that would have been an amazing film.
Posted by: Pixy Misa at
01:15 AM
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Sunday, September 03
Captain America: Civil War
I hadn't seen it before because it sounded tedious and stupid.
It is.
And I'm saying "stupid" in the context of a film series where past outings have included a giant flying alien mecha-snake as the chief villain.
This is a charmless, joyless, tiresome piece of crap; four hours of unlikable characters throwing the idiot ball back and forth.
At least it was on Netflix.
One star for.... No. Zero stars. Avoid.
I went back and watched the first hour of The Avengers. While it's also overlong and flabby with an indifferent plot, the dialog, characterisation, and action sequences are on an entirely different level to Civil War. Avengers is a fun film with some significant flaws; Civil War is drudgery.
The Avengers:
Steve Rogers: I wanna know why Loki let us take him. He's not leading an army from here.
Bruce Banner: I don't think we should be focusing on Loki. That guy's brain is a bag full of cats. You can smell crazy on him.
Thor: Have a care how you speak! Loki is beyond reason, but he is of Asgard and he is my brother!
Natasha Romanoff: He killed eighty people in two days.
Thor: He's adopted.
Posted by: Pixy Misa at
04:57 PM
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I found
Age Of Ultron to be such a tedious slog that I still haven't gotten around to
Civil War. It's like all the division heads at Marvel got a memo saying, "Suck Harder", and they forget to CC the folks making
Deadpool and
Logan. (just the movies...)
-j
Posted by: J Greely at Monday, September 04 2017 09:28 AM (tgyIO)
2
This was significantly worse than
Age of Ultron.
But thanks for reminding me that I haven't seen
Deadpool.
Posted by: Pixy Misa at Monday, September 04 2017 11:17 AM (PiXy!)
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Monday, August 11
License to Blog
The Story So Far
Pixy Misa, an undercover agent working for the Amalgamated Union of Philosophers, Sages, Luminaries and Other Professional Thinking Persons, is directed by his boss, Glenn Reynolds of Instapundit, to infiltrate Frnak's Fortress of Drakness. Pixy's disguise as a heron is successful until he inadvertantly corrects Frnak's grammar.
Pixy is captured by Frnak's Heron Corps and taken for interrogation, where he is surprised to learn that Frnak's Chief Interrogatorer is none other than his friend Susie, a nice girl with a penchant for heavy weapons. Susie, it seems, has been abducted by Frnak's minions, brainwashed, and turned into a heron - although possibly not in that order.
Pixy frees Susie from captivity, and together they flee the Fortress on board a UFO. This UFO is of an odd design: its course is controlled by a huge vending machine which takes up most of the craft's interior. Fortunately, Susie is familiar with this design, having previously averted an alien invasion of Earth by ordering a can of Dr Pepper, which apparently diverted the entire fleet to Puerto Rico, where it was unable to refuel.
Due to a snack-related accident, Pixy and Susie shortly find themselves on Mars, which they discover is being used as a forward base for a renewed invasion by the Moon Men, who are now in the service of Frnak. Susie saves the day by reducing the Moon Men to small piles of ash. Susie finds a menu for the vending machine, which turns out to be written in phonetic Greek, which Pixy is able to read. Sort of.
The pair return in haste to the InstaBase in Knoxville, taking a forced detour via Rome, Kentucky, since there is no Greek letter for V. There they learn that the InstaPundit has been replaced by a robot. (Which, it seems, runs CP/M.) We learn - though our heroes do not - that this and other RoboBloggers are part of a malevolent scheme launched by the evil Frnak.
Susie's flamethrower makes short work of the Electronic Pundit, and the two return to Susie's home at Practical Penumbra to regroup. There, they discover that Susie has also been replaced by a robot. The SusieBot stuffs Susie head first into her own main template, but Susie is rescued by Pixy who wipes the Bot's boot program.
Meanwhile in Florida, a growing crowd of bloggers, forced by Frnak's nanotechnology into the shape of water birds, has broken free of their mindwashing and is planning escape. Led by Tiger, who contructs a bomb using only hard-boiled eggs and velveeta, the bloggers, still in bird shape, pair off and take to the skies in the Moon Men's fleet of UFOs.
Now the story continues in episode 17: License to Blog
Posted by: Pixy Misa at
09:52 AM
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Hey, where do I come in?
Posted by: Tim the Michigander at Monday, August 11 2003 01:18 PM (5fEkn)
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Never mind-- I shot my mouth off before I watched Episode 18...
Posted by: Tim the Michigander at Monday, August 11 2003 01:22 PM (5fEkn)
3
You've seen episode 18 already? Could you let me know what happens, cause I'm running out of ideas here :)
Posted by: Pixy Misa at Monday, August 11 2003 01:35 PM (jAZcn)
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Spam Trek
Tuning Spork presents his six-part series:
Spam Trek.
Will the madness never end? Will I manage to think of a plot for episode 17? Tune in next week...
Posted by: Pixy Misa at
01:03 AM
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Sunday, August 10
The Blogging Daylights
We still haven't been able to track down the whereabouts of episode 15 of The Blogfather, so we'll move straight on to episode 16:
The Blogging Daylights.
A kimchee vending machine? The mind boggles.
Posted by: Pixy Misa at
08:38 AM
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Will Tiger survive the kimchee? Will Gnat ever get her nap? Tune in tomorrow for the next exciting episode!
Posted by: Susie at Sunday, August 10 2003 10:32 AM (pgVBn)
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I am really starting to get lost. I do not understand my role in the scenario at all?
Posted by: Tiger at Sunday, August 10 2003 05:19 PM (78gnM)
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Well, Tiger, it seems that in episode 15 - the lost episode - you were instrumental in the mass escape of the bloggers held prisoner in Frnak's Fortress of Drakness. Unfortunately, the lost episode is, well, lost, and so we miss out on seeing your heroic deeds (and also the recipe for making C4 out of hard-boiled eggs and velveeta). Perhaps I should post a plot summary for the series so far?
Posted by: Pixy Misa at Sunday, August 10 2003 11:39 PM (M+/qC)
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Fragulate This!
Well, I
was expecting to be bringing you episode 15 of The Blogfather, but something went wrong somewhere and so you're all going to have to
Fragulate This! instead.
Posted by: Pixy Misa at
01:32 AM
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Think you confused Lileks with Lucas. It's her dog Sunny that has the problems with grackles.
Oh, and I'm emailing you my movie; for some reason it's not getting through to me. Could you forward it if you get it? timoteo57 @ msn.com, thanks!
Posted by: Tim the Michigander at Sunday, August 10 2003 03:34 AM (TwA51)
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Okay, will do. Assuming I ever see it... I'm having email problems too right now.
Posted by: Pixy Misa at Sunday, August 10 2003 03:49 AM (H3yN4)
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And I suspect that all dogs hate grackles. Hey, I hate them and I don't even know what they are. Not that I'm a dog, I'm just saying...
Uh, never mind.
Posted by: Pixy Misa at Sunday, August 10 2003 03:53 AM (H3yN4)
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Besides, it's the Fragulians that Jasper was having a problem with - the grackles he was just eating.
I think...
Posted by: Pixy Misa at Sunday, August 10 2003 03:54 AM (pnVjP)
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Mrnak? Ooh, I'm so confused!
Posted by: Jennifer at Sunday, August 10 2003 05:20 AM (3ZCRn)
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Capraesque, with a touch of Ed Wood....
Posted by: Susie at Sunday, August 10 2003 10:22 AM (pgVBn)
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That would be Frnak Capra, right?
Posted by: Pixy Misa at Sunday, August 10 2003 10:32 AM (MWmir)
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Indeed. Heh. (omg I've caught it! auugh!)
Posted by: Susie at Sunday, August 10 2003 10:38 AM (pgVBn)
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Saturday, August 09
The Making of The Blogfather
Tuning Spork has salvaged some discarded footage from the production of
The Blogfather and used it to produce a unique look
behind the scenes.
My life is now complete.
Posted by: Pixy Misa at
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The phenonemon that is "The Blogfather"--the unauthorized story...due out soon in bookstores everywhere...
Posted by: Susie at Saturday, August 09 2003 09:26 AM (pgVBn)
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Look, I can hire a turkey to replace you, you heron!
Posted by: Pixy Misa at Saturday, August 09 2003 01:43 PM (/kcmY)
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Friday, August 08
Doctor Blog
In Episode 14 of The Blogfather:
Doctor Blog, Glenn Reynolds discovers that it isn't easy being a heron. Also, the real reason behind the
recent lack of Bleatage.
Posted by: Pixy Misa at
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Auugh! These cliffhangers are getting to me!!!! What happens next?????
Posted by: Susie at Friday, August 08 2003 09:13 PM (pgVBn)
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How should I know?
Rewrite!
Posted by: PixyMisa at Friday, August 08 2003 10:20 PM (LBXBY)
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Hurray!
Sorry you had a horrible Saturday. Did you get a chance to read my interview at Sanity's Edge?
Posted by: Susie at Saturday, August 09 2003 07:58 PM (pgVBn)
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Thursday, August 07
You Only Blog Twice
Today's episode of The Blogfather, number, um, twelve, is called
You Only Blog Twice.
And you thought James Lileks' server had crashed! Only Ambient Irony brings you the real story!
Don't forget my Blurb Contest! You too can appear in a poorly-conceived cartoon dressed as a heron! C'mon, who else offers you that sort of opportunity?
Posted by: Pixy Misa at
10:49 AM
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LOL!!! What I love the most is how the "herons" all bear a striking resemblance to turkeys.....is it poetic liscense, or metaphor? you decide.....
Posted by: Susie at Thursday, August 07 2003 11:35 AM (pgVBn)
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Yes, it couldn't possibly be because it's the only birdlike creature available in D.Film... Um, something about transcending the boundaries of the medium. Line between madness and genius and all that.
Posted by: Pixy Misa at Thursday, August 07 2003 12:09 PM (yO0zZ)
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Hey, I say play 'em the way they come. I did kind of wonder how
I became a turkey.
The link to funniest DFILM ever made is over on
my site.
Posted by: Tiger at Thursday, August 07 2003 09:47 PM (nLodG)
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All will be revealed, Tiger. Very soon.
Posted by: PixyMisa at Thursday, August 07 2003 11:07 PM (LBXBY)
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