Dear Santa, thank you for the dolls and pencils and the fish. It's Easter now, so I hope I didn't wake you but... honest, it is an emergency. There's a crack in my wall. Aunt Sharon says it's just an ordinary crack, but I know its not cause at night there's voices so... please please can you send someone to fix it? Or a policeman, or...
Back in a moment.
Thank you Santa.

Friday, August 15


Two New Mu Nu

A big welcome to the latest blogs at Cherry's Ramblings, more rambling than ever at its new home, and Publius & Co., now with extra rat.

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Tuesday, August 12


Are We There Yet?

Either my ADSL is in the process of being transferred to my new ISP, or it just plain isn't working. Either way, don't expect too much blogging in the next 24 hours.

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Saturday, August 09


We're Back!

Nobody saw that, right?


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Friday, August 08



We all know that D.Filmania is sweeping the blogosphere. Recent victims include:
Susie, suffering a relapse with Paul made me cry
Tiger who has became a repeat offender with Behind the Behind
Silverblue, who notes that UR Heart's Not In It
And Ith with her three-parter, When Asshats Attack
You'd think that someone like Glenn Reynolds would be all over such an important story, but no, he's out driving his RX-8 or quoting James Lileks on the Californian recall story. (If you haven't been following this one, it seems that the entire state of California has been recalled due to defective wiring.)

When will the InstaBot get with the real story? Oh, that's right, Susie flamed him into robot crispies. Which means... Who's running InstaPundit?!

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Thursday, August 07


Hail Empress Condi

Her Imperial Highness, Condi, has declared war on Saint Helena, Saint Kitts and Nevis (is that in Scotland?), Saint Lucia, Saint Pierre and Miquelon (sounds French. Good call, Condi), Saint Vincent and the Grenadines (sounds like a really lousy band. Paging Dave Barry...), Samoa, San Marino, Sao Tome and Principe (are they anything like The Captain and Tenille? If so, they deserve it.), Saudi Arabia (our friends!), Senegal, Serbia and Montenegro (seems rather pointless), Seychelles (she shells Seychelles from off the sea shore), Sierra Leone, Singapore, Slovakia, Slovenia (are you trying to tell me that Slovakia and Slovenia are two different countries?), Solomon Islands, Somalia (another pointless exercise), South Africa, South Georgia and the South Sandwich Islands (at least the troops won't go hungry), Spain (hang on, Spain?), Spratly Islands (whatly islands?), Sri Lanka (where the tea comes from), Sudan (and Coupe as well), Suriname, Svalbard (and his half-brother Aethelbard), Swaziland (perhaps because it sounds like you-know-who-land), Sweden (commies had it coming!), Switzerland (see Sweden), and last but probably least, Syria.

Yes, it's another In My World by Frnak, but I'm not linking to him right now.

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Wednesday, August 06


Blurb Me!

Glenn (Reynolds) continues to link to movie blurbs you're not likely to see, but fails to link to his own life story.

So, I'm having a blurb contest! The winner - to be decided by a poll, of course - gets a cameo in an upcoming episode of The Blogfather. Or, if the winner happens to be Susie, Jennifer, Tiger, Kevin, Frnak or Glenn (Reynolds) himself (all of whom feature already and are scheduled for further appearances), they will get... Um, I'll think of something. But it will be cool! Whatever it is.

You can blurb any episode of The Blogfather, the four previous short films, or any of the prequels by Jennifer and Susie.

The sort of thing I'm looking for is:

Contains more robotic Glenn Reynolds than most recent Hollywood features.
Possibly the only film featuring a spaceship controlled by a vending machine labelled in Ancient Greek.
Only funnier. Right?

Blurb away! Leave them in the comments, or email me if you want to keep your genius hidden from your competitors.


In answer to Susie's question (see comments), I was thinking of review blurbs, particularly nasty review blurbs, the art of the subtle put-down, back-handed compliment, damning with faint praise and all that, but advertising blurbs are also welcome if they are funny.

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Texas Tiger

Tiger found this poem which describes how Texas came to be... Texas, but couldn't find the author of the poem. Using my Super Googling Power™ (and a certain amount of persistence), I tracked down this page which attributes the poem to E. U. Cook. Searching on this name unfortunately produces vast amounts of cruft from some Euroweenie named Cook, but more persistence found this page about The First Mortgage, also by one E. U. Cook, containing this poem:
Author's Preface

Now reader, go along with me,
Away back to Eternity;
Go back beyond the days of youth,
Where everything that was, was truth.

Beyond the sorrow and the tears,
Beyond the suffering and fears,
Beyond the anguish and the gloom,
Beyond the shadow of the tomb.

Beyond all trouble and all pain,
Beyond all losses and all gain,
Beyond all sobs and bitter sighs,
Beyond the limit of the skies.

Before there was a ray of light,
Before there was a day or night,
Before a prayer was ever prayed,
Before the world was ever made.

Before there was a moon, or sun,
Before old time itself begun;
Before there was a now, or then,
Before there was a where, or when.

Before there was a 'here', or 'there',
Or anything, or anywhere;
Go back a hundred thousand years,
And farther still, though filled with fears.

Go back until within the past,
You fail to find the place at last
Where the beginning you can see,
At one end of Eternity.

Go back until there's not a trace
Of anything, but God and space;
God all around, below, above;
Unlimited in power and love.

Away back here removed from sight,
Where everything that was, was right;
Away back here removed from sin,
Is where my story does begin.

The style of which seems to clinch the question. Google does indeed know everything - except what question you need to ask it...

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Tuesday, August 05


Gno Gnat?

The Bleat has gone blat. James Lileks's server has crashed and taken the whole site out.

Remember, boys and girls, always backup your work! Fortunately for us all, The Bleat is backed up and will return soon.

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Sunday, August 03


The Michigander

Another fine and funny writer has left Blogspot for sunnier climes. Visit Tim, the Michigander, at his shiny new home.

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Saturday, August 02


Blog Forecast

Brain continues cloudy, so here's some more music to keep you entertained: my album-in-not-very-much-progress, Return of the Return of the Electric Ant, and some never-before-released unedited pieces, which I have titled Rough Cuts. Note that they are rough cuts... One track in particular includes a bonus minute of silence at the end.

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